‘Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen…’
25 years and 8 films after Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Jason Vorhees returns for one last swansong…
When the Friday the 13th remake hit in 2009 it was always likely to be criticised by long time fans especially as largely hated director Michael Bay was on production duties. What people are loath to admit however is that the original Friday the 13th is no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, indeed it was widely dismissed as a Halloween rehash on release back in 1980.
It is easy to groan at the cringe inducing antics of the teenage cast and to tut at the gratuitous sex scenes and the violence but these are staples of the franchise. Again if you go back to the original movies and follow the series you will not find much more artistic merit than what is on show in Marcus Nispel’s remake.
Friday the 13th was a nasty but iconic horror film and Jason Vorhees became a legend of the genre as his mythology became more fleshed out as the series went on. This 2009 remake has some plain bad moments but it is also respectful towards the series as a whole and introduces some positive things such as the utterly brilliant opening 25 minutes.
Michael Bay aside it would be churlish to suggest that this latest entry in franchise is anything other than a success.
Producer Michael Bay and director Jonathan Liebesman continue to flog dead horses whilst ruining people’s childhoods.
Contrary to popular belief I actually think that Michael Bay did a decent job with the first Transformers movie. It was pretty faithful to the cartoon and the child in all of us fulfilled an ambition to watch robot behemoths battling it out. The problem with taking on the turtles project isn’t just the execution but the source material itself.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had already spawned four feature length movies, various TV shows and endless merchandise before this project begun. There was a clamour to see a return of the Transformers by the time it was rebooted in 2007 but is anyone really interested in seeing the ailing TMNT brand rebooted? (apparently yes according to the box office results).
Anyone hoping for a nostalgia trip back to their childhoods will be bitterly disappointed. Some characters such as April O’Neil and Shredder are unrecognisable from the cartoon whilst others such as Casey Jones, Krang and Bebop & Rocksteady are absent entirely.
The only constant is the turtles themselves who are still stuck in a time warp of pop culture references and horribly dated 80’s pastiche. Even with comedic genius Will Arnett featuring prominently, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is never intentionally funny and the script throughout is unforgivably cheesy and cringe inducing.
People don’t particularly act in Michael Bay films but even with such low standards Megan Fox continues to be an annoyance and is woefully miscast as April O’Neil while William Fichtner and Whoopi Goldberg look faintly embarrassed throughout.
All this equates to a franchise that didn’t need rebooting filled with rubbish acting and corny dialogue. Possibly the worst reboot of all time.