Nine strangers wake up in a house together and try not to outwardly groan at the grim predictably of their situation.

house of 9

One of the most bizarre casts assembled in recent years (Dennis Hopper, Peter Capaldi, Kelly Brook(!)) conspire to make something you could just about classify as a ‘movie’. As I have stated before horror as a genre is the most guilty of taking an original idea (Slasher, Found Footage, Haunted House) and running it into the ground until it is ruined. House of 9 takes the bold step of taking an idea already ran into the ground (‘psychological’ gimmicky horror – thanks Saw) and adding absolutely nothing to it.

Dennis Hopper gets though it by speaking in about 6 wildly varying accents throughout the film, Peter Capaldi looks faintly embarrassed throughout and Kelly Brook looks genuinely confused and lost by the whole thing.

Despite all of this I found House of 9 mildly interesting. Watching this film is akin to watching two giraffes have sex, you are never bored but there is no artistic merit to it.