The Conjuring prequel that absolutely nobody asked for.

THE CONJURING

I hated The Conjuring so when I saw that the man responsible for The Butterfly Effect 2 and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation was at the helm for this pointless prequel I sighed and decided to just lie back and think of England until it was over. Sure enough, Annabelle is shit.

It is difficult to criticize the two main actors as the characters they are playing are pure caricatures of a sickeningly lovely American couple and the dialogue is borderline offensive in its blandness but it is also unthinkable to praise them.

In the fine horror tradition of the titular entity hardly featuring in the film (see Prophecies, Mothman), Annabelle is a supporting object in her own story. With most of the (very cheap) scares provided by the judder man or the guitarist from Limp Bizkit or whatever the ‘demon’ is supposed to be.

I can’t really fathom how there is any artistic merit what so ever to Annabelle – a film that surely only exists to make money. If you insist on watching a horror film about a scary doll coming to life (then what the fuck is wrong with you?) make it Child’s Play or that really creepy The X-Files episode.